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Get
Rid of Regret
YOU HAVE one. A sack. A burlap sack. Probably aren’t aware of it, may not
have been told about it.Could be you don’t remember it. But it was given to
you. A sack. An itchy, scratchy burlap sack. You needed the sack so you
could carry the stones. Rocks, boulders, pebbles. All sizes. All shapes. All
unwanted. You didn’t request them. You didn’t seek them. But you were given
them. Don’t remember?
Some were rocks of rejection. You were given one the time you didn’t pass
the tryout. It wasn’t for lack of effort. Heaven only knows how much you
practiced. You thought you were good enough for the team. But the coach
didn’t. The instructor didn’t. You thought you were good enough, but they
said you weren’t. They and how many others?
You don’t have to live long before you get a collection of stones. Make a
poor grade. Make a bad choice. Make a mess. Get called a few names. Get
mocked. Get abused. And the stones don’t stop with adolescence. I sent a
letter this week to an unemployed man who’s been rejected in more than fifty
interviews. And so the sack gets heavy. Heavy with stones. Stones of
rejection. Stones we don’t deserve. Look into the burlap sack and you see
that not all the stones are from rejections. There is a second type of
stone. The stone of regret.
Regret for the time you lost your temper.
Regret for the day you lost control.
Regret for the moment you lost your pride.
Regret for the years you lost your priorities.
And even regret for the hour you lost your innocence.
One stone after another, one guilty stone after another.
With time the sack gets heavy. We get tired. How can you have dreams for the
future when all your energy is required to shoulder the past?
No wonder some people look miserable. The sack slows the step. The sack
chafes. Helps explain the irritation on so many faces, the sag in so many
steps, the drag in so many shoulders, and most of all, the desperation in so
many acts. You’re consumed with doing whatever it takes to get some rest. So
you take the sack to the office. You resolve to work so hard you’ll forget
about the sack. You arrive early and stay late. People are impressed. But
when it’s time to go home, there is the sack—waiting to be carried out. You
carry the stones into happy hour. With a name like that, it must bring
relief. So you set the sack on the floor, sit on the stool, and drink a few.
The music gets loud and your head gets light. But then it’s time to go and
you look down and there is the sack. You drag it into therapy. You sit on
the couch with the sack at your feet and spill all your stones on the floor
and name them one by one. The therapist listens. She empathizes. Some
helpful counsel is given. But when the time is up, you’re obliged to gather
the rocks and take them with you. You get so desperate you try a weekend
rendezvous. A little excitement. A risky embrace. A night of stolen passion.
And for a moment the load is lighter. But then the weekend passes. Sunday’s
sun sets and awaiting you on Monday’s doorstep is—you got it—your sack of
regrets and rejections. Some even take the sack to church. Perhaps religion
will help, we reason. But instead of removing a few stones, some
well-meaning but misguided preacher may add to the load. God’s messengers
sometimes give more hurt than help. And you might leave the church with a
few new rocks in your sack.
The result? A person slugging his way through life, weighed down by the
past. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s hard to be thoughtful when
you’re carrying a burlap sack. It’s hard to be affirming when you are
affirmation-starved. It’s hard to be forgiving when you feel guilty.
Paul had an interesting observation about the way we treat people. He said
it about marriage, but the principle applies in any relationship. “The man
who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). There is a correlation
between the way you feel about yourself and the way you feel about others.
If you are at peace with yourself—if you like yourself—you will get along
with others.
The converse is also true. If you don’t like yourself, if you are ashamed,
embarrassed, or angry, other people are going to know it. The tragic part of
the burlap-sack story is we tend to throw our stones at those we love.
Unless the cycle is interrupted.
Which takes us to the question, “How does a person get relief?”
Which, in turn, takes us to one of the kindest verses in the Bible, “Come to
me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.
Accept my
teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and
you will find rest for your lives. The teaching I ask you to accept is easy;
the load I give you to carry is light” (Matt. 11:28—30).
You knew I was going to say that. I can see you holding this book and
shaking your head.
- “I’ve tried that. I’ve read the Bible, I’ve sat on the pew—but I’ve never
received relief.”
If that is the case, could I ask a delicate but deliberate question? Could
it be that you went to religion and didn’t go to God? Could it be that you
went to a church, but never saw Christ?
“Come to me,” the verse reads. It’s easy to go to the wrong place. I did
yesterday. I was in Portland, Maine, catching a flight to Boston. Went to
the desk, checked my bag, got my ticket, and went to the gate. I went past
security, took my seat, and waited for the flight to be called. I waited and
waited and waited—finally, I went up to the desk to ask the attendant and
she looked at me and said, “You’re at the wrong gate.”
Now, what if I’d pouted and sighed, “Well, there must not be a flight to
Boston. Looks like I’m stuck.”
You would have said to me, “You’re not stuck. You’re just at the wrong gate.
Go down to the right gate and try again.”
It’s not that you haven’t tried—you’ve tried for years to deal with your
past. Alcohol. Affairs. Workaholism. Religion.
Jesus says He is the solution for weariness of soul. |
A TOUCHING STORY
FOR MARRIED PEOPLE
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature,
and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three
years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit,
that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now
transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman
and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I
yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My
husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability
of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about
love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a
divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything
in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in
deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even
express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked
me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard
to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith
in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you
can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a
flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that
picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :"
I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to
his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with
his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near
the front door, that goes....
My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to
explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my
heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up
the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my
fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush
home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way
in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile
autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your
boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your
eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip
your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold
your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the
beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of
the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more
than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on
the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on
reading...
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please
open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread
and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly
with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.... Now I am very sure
that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to
leave the flower alone...
That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments...
PRAYER
"Lord, you fill us with all good things. Fill my heart with the love, peace,
joy, and righteousness of your kingdom. May the fire of the Holy Spirit
inflame my heart with an eager longing for you and for your return." |